Chapter 9

“You are now eight weeks into your second trimester” Dr Sophie reaches out her hand in congratulation. She beams, happy for us. I press Arianna’s hand, her face overflowing with happiness. That explains her fatigue and high basal body temperature, I muse. I’ve always wanted another child to pamper. It will be great if we have a daughter this time. The twins would love to have a little sister, they were now four years old, and another baby in the family would be perfect. For some reason, Maya’s face flashes after me, sending current of painful jolt to my heart.
“Since this is your second pregnancy, I take it you already know the basics; I mean your diet, exercise and vitamins to take; you know, the usual vitamin A, folic acid, omega-3 fatty acid and so on. Sophie was flipping Arianna’s report, she frown before looking up again.
”But if your BP continues to increase I am afraid there might be complication later at the end of your trimester. You read between 140 mm Hg systolic pressure and 90 mm Hg diastolic pressure” Sophie said.
“140/90” I repeat after Sophie. “That was high”
“Yes, it’s quite high”. She answered before addressing Arianna.” You need to watch your diet or you might risk chronic hypertension prior to your twentieth week. ”
“But the probability of chronic hypertension was relatively low during pregnancy; at least I’d take 3% as a low possibility.” I interject, trying to steady my pounding nerve.
“You were right on that score but low percentage doesn’t mean you were off the hook” Sophie countered. I nod my agreement.
“There were nothing to be alarmed about at this stage, if worse comes to worse we could gave you medication but for now you just have to eat a balanced diet and cut out on the amount of salt taken” Sophie continues efficiently, smiling reassurance towards us.
Arianna tries to smile back but it look more like a grimace to me. Of course she would feel ill at ease with the new information; her first pregnancy hasn’t actually been a picnic. She got the worst morning sickness if I ever saw one. She was looking pale most of the time and can barely get out of bed in the morning.
“Are you okay?” I ask her.
”Don’t worry, Dr Sophie say it was nothing, right?” She was tracing a finger across my palm; a sure sign that she was actually anxious.
“Yes, you have nothing to worry about as long as you keep your BP under check.” Sophie agreed. “Do you need any prescription for nausea or anything?” Sophie offered, her voice full of concern. I know she too was remembering how hard Arianna’s first pregnancy had been.
“I am okay. Thankfully I didn’t experience any morning sickness this time” Arianna grin back at her.
“Sure you can go back to work tomorrow?” I ask her later that morning when we reach home. I know I have been asking the same question over and over again but I was worried abut her.
“Nick, I was just pregnant, not an invalid” Arianna answered a little impatiently. But there was a twinkle in her eyes that betray the harshness in her voice. “Our baby” it’s as if I could hear her thoughts. Absently, I squeeze her hands and kiss them. I appreciate that she would risk her health for our baby without any misgiving.
” Thank you” I told her, kissing her forehead in gratitude.
A single tears escape for Maya then. God, what had I put her through? Arianna was looking at me questioningly. “I will be fine” she pronounce assuming my grief expression for trepidation over her. I smile at her half heartedly and ushered her inside in disguise of a strict bed rest.
“You can’t take it where you left it” I keep hearing those words over and over. It felt like a death sentence to me. Dear God how I love her. And how helpless it felt not to be able to take her into my arms and undo all the terrible things I did to her. In my mind’s eye, I always picture a happy and vibrant Maya at my side, as my wife. But like every treasured dream it remains hidden in the deepest corner of my heart. I was buying time; dad made me promise then. I thought I could put Maya on hold, I thought our love would last the test of time. I was foolishly hoping that Maya would still wait for me after what I did to her, would still understand my love for her even if I never put all these thoughts into words.
I just couldn’t say no to Dad, how can I possibly turn my back on his dying wish? He always regards Arianna as his own daughter even if she was only adopted and he makes me promise to marry her. I had to marry Arianna when dad died and he was not wrong about Arianna; she was the best wife anyone could have. But my heart belongs to Maya. It always has.