The doctor's note

In this profession, the most difficult thing is to a keep straight face when they told me the most horrible thing. To let that revelation sunk, and try to comprehend why they did the things they did when the only thing I could say was; God, you got to be kidding me!

But one has to keep impassive face, to stay objective and clear headed. Even when it was too much, even when it hurt sometimes. I have to learn to be emotionally detached. But the things that they did, it could get to you, would make you stop in your track and got you thinking; is this for real?

Of course it was. Life is, after all, a bed of roses but with thorns in it!

I would like to tell Aurora that she could hope but should never expect that wretched man to show mercy. Because that ‘husband/cheat’ was not capable of something as elementary as plain compassion. I know it was harsh, cruel even. But any women other than her could see that the man would never change, could never learn to appreciate her, let alone love her. She was not stupid. Like she said she was just empty. People’s minds were complex mechanics. In her mind’s eye she thinks of the man as her only means of support. Not financially because she can fend for herself where wealth is concern, but emotionally. She needs to feel needed; and that was what the man gave her. He needs her albeit only for his carnal pleasure.

This twisted sense of need stem from something deeper. Almost always in such case it was down to childhood experience; something she never have enough of or something she has in excess. In Aurora’s, it was her parent’s love that she lack. It was not that they did not love her. They love her in abundance, almost to the point of excessiveness. They just love her differently and that was not the way that she expects to be love.

My job is not to tell her what to do (she would not listen to me anyway). But to let her come to term with herself. To help her understand that she could never get back the childhood that she thought was lost forever. Because, yes, she has lost it forever. And he or anyone else for that matter could never pay back her pain. And then to make her realize that she was worth more than she thought she was. In her case, it was the biggest issue. She thinks she deserve to be a kept woman because she was not perfect enough for him. When in retrospective, he was the one who does not deserve her.

As for him, I think he was just plain barmy (Not that I told this to him). What comes to my mind as I picture his triumphant gloating face was that I would like very much to shake him to his senses. Or punch him in the face or better still, kick him where it hurts the most. Now, do not get me wrong. Of course I could not do that. I took an oath! But one can wish, right?

Could someone be so cruel? Yes he could. Men, (Not that I have anything against them) has this aversion to women they does not love; at least it was the case with him. Maybe he thinks it was the most practical thing to do. Why waste time caring for someone you did not love? To put it simply, he just don’t give a f*** about her; as he had so gloatingly said. Not literally but, you know what I mean.

I do not know which was worse. To be secure in false protective bubble like his wife? Or to be at the sidelines of life and just watch somebody else living her life like Aurora?

His wife said she could not believe her luck. I could not either; but for entirely different reason. To tell her that her suspicions were right would breach my doctor’s – patient confidentiality privilege. But girls, just so you know, when you suspect something going on at your husband end, it was almost always right. And yes, you can trust your instinct. Because the wife always knew. Maybe in not so subtle ways, but you could feel it in your gut. Not that I have hands on experience on the matter but when you has seen life as much as I did, you would know.

She did all the right things (the wife, I mean); she checked on her husband, never really put her trust in him and by the looks of it, he loves her very much. I know, how can you say you love someone if you cheat on her? But he can. Aurora was just an able body for him. Nothing more, nothing less. So long as he did not emotionally stray then he still thinks he was not doing anything wrong. Yes, he was that deranged.

In part, it explains why he was so mean to Aurora. Because if he let his need for her grow into something more than just need, if he start caring, that would mean he has grow fond of his mistress. Men only understand love; they do not understand kindness and always mistakes kindness for love. To put it simply, he was afraid that he would fall for Aurora. That was why he never bothers to see Aurora as a person other than the women who share his bed and that explains why he has no guilty conscience at all.

But I still think he was barmy though.


Dr Pomona Claire, MD.